her facebook's as public as her vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
