hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
