there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
