thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
