I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
