Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
