come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
