nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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