No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's get the cat blown out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
