just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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