Nicole vs. Life
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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