I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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