Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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