im so drunk with asians
where?
always
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
