you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
