I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
