Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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