is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
