God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
