Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
