to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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