I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
