Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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