People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
