There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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