I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
