if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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