By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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