Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
