Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
