the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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