i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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