I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
