Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
