I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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