Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
