you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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