I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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