my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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