I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
