I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
