I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
