I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
