Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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