i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
