I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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