oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
