Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
