mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
