I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MIDGETS
????
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
