I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
