the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
