Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
