When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
