dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We left the knife in your bed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
