I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
